Ever have one of those days…

27 Mar

Ever have one of those days where you question your life purpose?

No, I’m not talking in a “go call the help hotline” morbid sort of way; I’m talking life goals here.

I often wonder if I’m the only one who looks around and questions the life I’m living.

One day I ask myself:

Is this my beautiful life?

Only to question myself the very next day:

Is this *really* what I am meant to be doing?



My middle name means “great defender of mankind.” Gee, thanks Mom and Dad! How is anyone supposed to live up to such a title!

Well, I certainly do try my darnedest.

I take my name quite seriously. I feel that I was given this name with a purpose. And, as life is to be with a purpose, I feel that this name has called me into a life of defending and serving all of mankind, regardless of what other people think of me.

I am one of the few and very proud called to the life of public service. I love everything about it. I love that I am privileged to serve my community. I love that I am creating opportunities for people. I love that I am changing travel patterns for future generations. I love that I am developing infrastructure that will be around long after I’m gone.

No one will ever know this of course, but that’s ok –

It has to be!


When I introduce myself in public –

no, wait… let me rephrase that… when I *have to* introduce myself in public (yes, I am an extremely shy, introverted person IRL, and will typically only introduce myself only when I am forced to  — it’s nothing personal, I’m just terrified of having to develop a conversation – I don’t know why.. I just am. Totally ironic since I feel called to public service; forced into the public spotlight – oh, I digress!)

Anyhow, when I introduce myself, I am typically very reluctant to tell people what I do for a living. Not because I’m a horrible person or my job involves something terrible, but mainly because where I work and what I do can be very polarizing for people. I would much rather people get to know me for me and not prejudge the type of person I must be based on my employer or the position I fill.

As you know, I am very passionate about my work. I will shout from the highest building my love for transit. But, I recognize that transit is not everyone’s passion. And while I wish I could spend every waking moment convincing every person I meet how awesome transit can be, I know at the end of the day, it’s just not for everyone.




  • It can be really hard to work every day on a multi-year project. Especially when you know that years from now people will not even recognize that you were involved in developing such a massive project.

But that’s not why one goes into public service.

It’s not for the recognition AT ALL!!!

To serve the public is to not only be the change, but to also see the change.

  • It can also be really hard to constantly hear from friends, family members and foes that what you work on (for countless hours and years) is perceived in their minds as a total waste.
  • It can also be difficult to be constantly told about all of the things, totally out of your control, that are bad or done wrong.

I think that’s where my “great defender” role enters the picture. I simply cannot stop my desire to want to change all of these views and all of the world’s problems.

Alas, I know it is simply not humanly possible for one person to take up this mission and defend by themselves.

At the end of the day, in public service, you just have to have extremely thick skin. I’m not going to lie… I don’t have thick skin as often as I need to. Today is certainly one of those days.


And so I put this question out to the twitterverse this afternoon:

Ever have one of those days where you question your purpose? Not in a morbid way; talking life goals. How are you fulfilling your purpose?

12:39 PM – 27 Mar 12 via HootSuite · Details

While most of the responses I received were along the lines of “all the time” and “every single day,” @tranlib really put it all back in to perspective for me:

“all the time. i sort of think it’s a good way to keep yourself on track.”

And so I take a moment to pause; think, reflect and review my work; to refocus and to keep myself on track. To realize that my dreams are bigger than my fears and my actions are louder than my words.

@WilI_Smith quote retweeted by @pinqueencity:

“Let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions be louder than your words.”

Am I doing what I am meant to do, or if I am simply just doing?

Am I living the life I am meant to live?

Am I serving and defending mankind?

Am I serving my purpose?

Am I living the dream or dreaming about living?

Am I afraid?

But is my dream bigger than my fear?

Are my actions louder than my words?


To quote a few lines from the Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime
You may ask yourself, am I right, am I wrong?
You may say to yourself, my god, what have I done?

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was, same as it ever was

Time isn’t holding us, time isn’t after us
Time isn’t holding us, time doesn’t hold you back
Time isn’t holding us, time isn’t after us
Time isn’t holding us…

Letting the days go by, letting the days go by, letting the days go by, once in a lifetime
Letting the days go by, letting the days go by, letting the days go by, once in a lifetime

May moments like this help you to pause, shift your focus away from the paralytics of time, negativity and opinions without basis or action.

May moments like these help you refocus your thoughts to your dreams…to your life purpose!

*Stay on track!*


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